Go-To Guy

This week I have been asked to work long hours, the largest project of the year is running behind. Unfortunately poor planning on upper-managements part has constituted an emergency on my part. While I enjoy receiving a paycheck from my company, I do not love them enough to work at base salary 14 hours a day, 7 days a week. So why do I work the hours? Why do I stay away from my beautiful wife and precious daughter? I am not afraid of losing my job or my position. Rather deep inside me there is something that doesn't want to let people down. I want to be the go-to man, I want to be the one that the company can depend on, and I guess that I even want to know for myself that I can do the job and do it well. There is a certain pride in looking at a job that was a complete wreck, and knowing you were an important part of making it a success. I feel a deep compassion for people in rough situations, and it's not natural for me to say no when somebody asks me for something. Especially when I know it's something I can help them with.
The lesson that I am learning is that no matter how much of the go-to man I am, or how valuable I am to the company if I were to die this afternoon the company would still get the project out. Even if the project did not go out on time, the company would still survive and probably be able to replace me shortly after. My family however would have a rougher time replacing me. Both are requiring a go-to guy, both require somebody they can count on and somebody to give everything. I have never heard of somebody on their deathbed wishing they had spent a few more hours at work, or gotten a few more projects out. I have already made a commitment to get this project out, so I will be the man and keep my promise. After this however I have decided that I will give 120% to my company during normal hours, after that they will have to find a way to make do. Hopefully they will start to plan more in advance or invest the necessary amount of resources, because if I continue to give they will just try to take more. Worse case scenario may mean finding a different employer, but even if I can't find a new job that pays enough, I would rather have nothing except a family than everything except a family.

A Fathers Love

This morning I was holding my 2 week old daughter in my hands and looking at her perfect little face watching her miniature hand reach up and try to grab my face, she had a faint smile playing on the corner of her lips. In that moment I promised to never let anything hurt her, I vowed to always provide for her and be gentle, tender and always treat her with all the love I have. I don't think she could comprehend all the feelings that were gushing through me even if she were mature enough to understand my language. No doubt in the future there will be times when we don't understand each other, where we get frusterated and where we will cause each other great amounts of pain. Yet no matter what happens or what space comes between us, she will always be my daughter and my love for her will never be diminished. The beauty of this thought is that I am an imperfect man bound by the confinements of my fallen human race. Imagine how great this love could be if it came from a perfect Father who is bound by nothing. A father whose words, actions and even motives can not be questioned by anyone or anything.